Seeking Help: The stigma of mental health in motherhood

Arlene F. Serrano, PhD

Three weeks after giving birth, I was having crying episodes as well as obsessive and intrusive thoughts. I was anxious and excessively worried all the time. There were nonstop disturbing images going through my mind. I was once again certain that bad things were going to happen. I was afraid.  I did not want to be around the baby or anyone else. I was scared of everything. It was devastating and truly terrifying. 

First week of January. That’s when I decided to ask for help. I was desperate. I called the ob-gyn’s clinic several times to make an appointment. I explained that I was a new mom with anxiety and not feeling well. I proceeded to explain my symptoms. I was informed by office administrators that my ob-gyn was out of the office and I could not get an appointment until next week. I asked if I could be seen by someone else, but there was no urgency or perceived sense of empathy. It seemed like they helped me deliver my baby, but my mental health was not a priority. I was perplexed and shocked. 

I also called the PPD 1-800 number from the hospital where I gave birth. I called three different days and received three different answers: 

“If you believe you are a threat to yourself or others, go to the nearest emergency room.” 

“Let me get you a list of places you can call and make an appointment.” (Called all of them to no avail) 

“I know who you need to talk to...She will call you back.” 

I am forever grateful for the third answer. They connected me to the person providing services to PPD moms at the hospital. She is a nurse, counselor, and Program Coordinator for Postpartum Support International. She has been instrumental not only in my understanding of PPD and motherhood, but also in fostering and improving healthy relationships with my loved ones. Having her as part of my support system has been life changing.

While going through this crisis, I also found an awesome psychiatrist that specializes in perinatal disorders. I sent her an email explaining my current situation. She replied back promptly. I went to her office. During the session, I cried for a long time. We talked about my dad passing, my anxiety and intrusive thoughts, and my concerns and guilt about breastfeeding and not bonding with my baby. We talked about my expectations on motherhood, my perceived lack of expertise in being a good mom, and how it looked like everyone could do a better job than me. We talked about medication, therapy, sleep, nutrition, and exercise. 4 weeks after giving birth, I was diagnosed with Postpartum Depression, Anxiety, and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). 

The first two weeks of medication treatment were rough. I was prescribed Zoloft but it was not helpful at the beginning. I still had anxiety and intrusive thoughts. I was going for a walk every day and would cry the whole time I was walking. I had suicidal thoughts (probably a medication side effect). I was at a point where I wanted to go to a hospital. I called the psychiatrist again. She added Zyprexa to my list of medications. Slowly but surely, I started to feel better…

 Update: 

This has been a journey filled with stress and trauma but also with love, learning, and the possibility of recovery. My son is two years old. We have a wonderful and wholesome relationship.  I am still on Zoloft for anxiety and OCD and going to therapy. 

I have learned that…

It is important to talk openly about PPD and other mental health issues. We need to stop the stigma and provide the necessary resources to parents with PPD and related conditions. 

It should not be so difficult to find help during a time of crisis.  I have read many times that one of the issues with PPD parents is that they do not ask for help. I asked for help.

Navigating the system was not easy. Health care providers need more training and information on how to manage a mental health crisis.

People with PPD need to know that they are not alone. They need to advocate for themselves. Experiencing PPD is not their fault.

We are valuable and our mental health is essential to our well-being.

 It’s ok to ask for help. 

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