Happy and anxious: My journey with anxiety during pregnancy
Arlene F. Serrano, PhD
I vividly remember my first symptoms of anxiety while I was pregnant. I was on my third trimester and I felt excessively worried at times. I worried about my relationship with loved ones, work, and my baby. I was convinced that grieving the loss of my dad while pregnant was going to somehow harm my baby. I was also having obsessive racing thoughts about dead and dying. I became convinced I was going to die at childbirth and was not going to be there for my son. I pictured my husband and family raising my baby without me. I just felt so sad and hopeless.
I did not want to share these thoughts and worries with anyone. At one of my perinatal visits, I told my ob-gyn that I was feeling sad and anxious, but I also talked about my dad’s unexpected passing. We ended up assuming that it was all part of my grieving. We didn’t go into details. I wished I have been more specific and told her about all my worries and concerns. I guess I was a little ashamed of my thoughts. I was supposed to be happy, but instead I was worrying and focusing on all the things that could go wrong.
Days before going to the hospital, I remember telling my husband to please advocate for me and make sure I did not die. Of course, I did not go into details. I did not say: “Don’t let me die, so you can raise my son without me.” The details were not relevant. I already had a list of all the potential things that could go wrong during childbirth, so I explained to him what to be looking for at the hospital. In addition, due to healthcare statistics about women of color and pregnancy, I was concerned about being myself a woman of color with an accent. I was obsessed about not being taken seriously and not receiving proper care at the hospital.
After four days at the hospital, I gave birth to a beautiful and healthy boy, JP. I had a positive experience at the hospital, everyone was nice and caring. I did not die while giving birth. Those racing thoughts felt so real. I was so certain that I would not survive. Thankfully, I am here to raise my baby, love, nurture, and care for him.
What did I learn?
Spend more time learning about mental health for parents during and after pregnancy.
A healthy state of mind is more important than getting a cute and perfect nursery.
Talk to your partner and significant others about the potential changes in lifestyle. Talk about each others’ perspectives and needs.
Ask questions during your medical appointments. Be specific: Who will help me if I have a mood disorder during or after pregnancy? What number do I call? How is the office personnel going to respond?
If you are excessively worried, sad, or have intrusive or obsessive thoughts, please talk to someone you trust.
Consider starting counseling during pregnancy if you experience any perinatal depression, anxiety, OCD, bipolar mood disorder, or psychosis symptoms.
Appreciate people’s advice (oftentimes unsolicited advice) but trust your instinct. You are the one making decisions about YOUR child. Other people's expectations are not important when you are about to have a baby.
These are some ways I cope with anxiety:
Breathe in and out.
Focus on the moment. Many times, anxiety happens because we dwell on the past or obsess about the future. We can't change the past and we can’t predict the future, so our best bet is to live in the present.
Reframe and relabel your thoughts. What are your worries? Are you jumping to conclusions?
Do not block your thoughts and allow time to pass.
Find activities that keep you busy and help you relax (gardening, cleaning, organizing, watching baking shows, exercising).
Consider a gratitude journal or loving kindness meditation.
Forgive yourself when things don’t go as expected.
Be patient and compassionate with yourself.
If you feel that your anxiety is stopping you from completing your daily routine and normal tasks, please consider seeking professional help.
Symptoms of anxiety during pregnancy or postpartum:
Constant worry
Feeling that something bad is going to happen
Racing thoughts
Disturbances of sleep and appetite
Inability to sit still
For more information about anxiety during and after pregnancy:
How to Cope with Anxiety: 11 Simple Ways and When to See a Doctor (healthline.com)
Simple Steps to Help You Cope With Anxiety (verywellmind.com)
Racism in healthcare: Statistics and examples (medicalnewstoday.com)
Conozca los Síntomas | Postpartum Support International (PSI)