Letters to my son: Benefits of journaling

Arlene F. Serrano, PhD

I remember keeping a journal when I was younger. I would write all my stories, important events and teenager thoughts. I never imagined that years down the road I would start journaling again as part of my grieving and postpartum depression healing process. This time around my journaling looks a bit different. It talks about how I am feeling at the present moment, but also about my hopes for the future. At the beginning, when I was feeling my worst throughout my PPD journey, I would write a letter to my son almost every night. I would let him know that even though I was not feeling my best, I had hopes for a better future. In my letters, I would talk about missing my dad, my sadness, my happiness, and all the awesome plans and places we could go.

For those of us suffering from mental health issues, one of our many concerns is not to be present in the moment and spend quality time with our children and loved ones. Starting this journal helped me process my thoughts and feelings. It was also helpful in keeping a positive perspective and being hopeful about my life with my loved ones.

This is an excerpt of one of the many letters I wrote to my son through my healing process:

Dear JP,

I love you so much!!! Happy New Year! I am so happy you are in my life; you give me so much joy. I get so worried about everything. I just want to be the best mom I can be for you, but I have to be patient and take it one day at a time. Today we gave you your first bath in a little bath tub, it was so much fun. We also took pictures because…you’re three weeks old today!!! I feel like I’ve known you forever.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my dad, your abuelo, and I decided that one way to honor him is to always be there for you, like he was for me. I miss him a lot and I feel guilty about being sad right now, but it happened recently. Tomorrow it will be 11 months since it happened. I promise I’ll feel better in the near future.

On a more positive note, your grandparents are here to help us take care of you. You’re so lucky… Your abuelos got so excited when they found about you! I hope this 2019 brings is filled with joy, love, happiness, and health for all of us! I am forever grateful for you.

I love you with all my heart,

Mami