Raising my son while grieving my dad: Thoughts on coping with loss and embracing the present
Arlene F. Serrano, PhD
Abuelo Juan & JP
I was pregnant while grieving my dad. He passed on February 2018 and my son was born on December of the same year. I started my motherhood journey feeling guilty about my son and dad not meeting each other. Then, shortly after delivery, I was diagnosed with postpartum depression, anxiety, and OCD. It’s been almost three years. I still talk to my therapist about my grieving process. I often wonder how long does it take to get over the loss of a person we love. When we lose a loved one, we grieve the person but also the future we expected to share together. Going back home this summer, I had to deal with the fact that my dad was not there to spend time with my son. Being at my parent’s home was a reminder of how our lives will never be the same. At times, I felt overwhelmed, sad, and bitter when looking at pictures and old documents. This summer was truly a reminder of how there is no deadline for grieving; yet, we are still expected to move forward.
I am certain there will be more moments of sadness and bitterness. I will continue to grieve the life I imagined while I embrace the life I have now. I will teach my son about abuelo and I will do my best to enjoy every moment to the fullest. I will forgive myself for all the missed moments. There is something I have realized through this experience: Life is short and we can’t take the future for granted. We need to let people know how we feel and how important they are in our lives. The moment is now.
“But what is grief, if not love persevering?”
If you are coping with the loss of a loved one:
Yes, it can be difficult to talk about loss and grief. We can grieve the loss of a loved one or a relationship. Due to this grieving process, we experience anger, sadness, denial, or even hopelessness. It is essential that we acknowledge our feelings and talk about it with someone we trust. We should also look for professional help if needed. In addition, we need to allow ourselves some grace and time, with the understanding that there is no specific timeframe to overcome loss. We all grieve differently, and that’s ok.
If you are trying to help someone that is grieving, consider the following:
Be willing to listen without judgement
Be open to talk about death and grief
Offer your support
Reach out to other friends and relatives to offer support to the grieving person
Follow up with the grieving person. Don’t assume they are fine.
For more information on grief and bereavement: Grief Counseling: The Grief Process, Models of Grief, and Grief Therapy (goodtherapy.org)